I’m trying to understand all of this

 Controlling or coercive relationships can deepen these wounds further. A partner who monitors, shames, pressures, objectifies, manipulates, or alternates affection with control can reinforce trauma patterns instead of healing them. Sometimes survivors end up repeating familiar emotional dynamics because the nervous system recognizes them as “normal,” even when they are harmful.

A difficult part for many women is the shame afterward:

• “Why did I keep doing that?”
• “Why did I seek attention?”
• “Why couldn’t I stop?”
• “Did I cause this?”
• “Was I really traumatized if I also wanted sex sometimes?”

Those questions are extremely common among survivors.

Trauma responses are complicated because the body and nervous system adapt in ways meant to survive emotionally, not necessarily in ways that feel healthy years later.